Healing Codependency Through Trauma-Informed Therapy

By: Shadena Natty

Codependency is a relational pattern that often looks like love, loyalty, or selflessness. At its core, it involves prioritizing another person’s needs, emotions, or approval at the expense of your own well-being. Codependency is commonly driven by fear , fear of abandonment, rejection, conflict, or not being enough, and over time it can cause disconnection from your identity, desires, and sense of self-worth.
One of the most common features of codependency is how normalized self-abandonment becomes. Many people believe their exhaustion is simply the cost of being caring or supportive. Others struggle to recognize or name their own needs, not because those needs do not exist, but because they were never taught that they mattered. Over time, this can create patterns of people-pleasing, over-giving, and suppressing emotions to maintain connection.
In romantic relationships, codependency often appears as intense emotional attachment and a loss of self within the partnership. People may feel responsible for their partner’s emotions or outcomes, minimize boundaries to avoid conflict, or experience anxiety and emptiness when alone. Being needed or chosen can replace self-worth, making the relationship the primary source of identity and emotional stability rather than a space for mutual support between two whole individuals.
Codependent patterns also appear in family dynamics, friendships, and work environments. Family relationships may involve guilt, obligation, or caretaking roles learned early in life. Friendships can become one-sided, with one person consistently providing emotional labor while neglecting their own needs. In work and caregiving roles, codependency often looks like chronic overworking, difficulty saying no, and tying self-worth to productivity or usefulness. Because these behaviors are often praised, they are hard to recognize as harmful.
Trauma-informed and attachment-based therapy play an important role in healing codependency. These approaches recognize that codependent behaviors often develop as adaptations to early relational wounds, emotional neglect, or inconsistent attachment. Therapy offers a supportive space to explore how attachment patterns influence current relationships. Rather than focusing only on behavior change, trauma-informed therapy helps uncover what these patterns once protected and how they can be gently unlearned. I have also led a codependency group, supporting individuals as they explored shared relational patterns and practiced boundaries in a trauma-informed group setting.
Learning to establish healthy boundaries is a central part of recovery from codependency. Boundaries are not about withdrawing love or becoming rigid; they help clarify what belongs to you and what does not. While setting boundaries can initially bring discomfort or fear, especially for those accustomed to self-sacrifice, it often leads to greater self-trust, emotional clarity, and healthier relationships. Boundaries support mutual respect and emotional safety.
Healing from codependency is not about self-blame. Many patterns develop as survival strategies in environments where love or safety felt conditional. Recovery involves building awareness, practicing self-compassion, and learning to tolerate the discomfort that comes with choosing yourself. With support, people often become more grounded, authentic, and emotionally available without losing their capacity for care.
Codependency is not a flaw; it is a learned relational strategy, and learned strategies can change. With intentional support and therapy for codependency, it is possible to build relationships rooted in choice rather than fear—relationships that honor individuality, mutual care, and emotional balance.
If you are ready to begin healing codependency and exploring your relational patterns in a supportive, trauma-informed space, reaching out to Shadena Natty Counseling can be a meaningful next step. Therapy can help you build healthier boundaries, strengthen self-worth, and create more secure and fulfilling relationships.